Countdown

The ABC End-of-Year Countdown is in full swing at my children’s school. Today is T: Tell and Show Day, and my children bring in special objects to show their classmates. My son brings in a stuffed panda and my daughter brings in a Christmas tree ornament that she knit several months ago. It is also my son’s end of year field trip which my husband is chaperoning. My daughter’s field trip is in two days.

I do not need a countdown to tell me that summer is almost here. My climbing rose is blooming and my hydrangea is covered in flowers of soft pink, purple, and blue. The cheerful sundrops have returned and all of my plants are in the ground. My sweaters are packed away, my drawers now full of tank tops and t-shirts.

Summer has always been my least favorite season. I love the flowers and warmer days when the humidity is low, but I’ve always struggled in the heat. My energy, so rejuvenated in the spring, dips again and I quickly find myself dreaming of fall. My garden is neglected, my plants left to fend for themselves until the heat subsides. It is truly a place where only the strongest survive.

I know I should look forward to the slower pace, the time with my children, and I am in a way. But I also know that on most afternoons my energy will be so low that I cannot imagine making it to the end of the day. I know my children will fight and be bored and hungry all of the time. I know that my need for quiet and solitude will not be met.

I know there is more to summer than this and I will try to embrace what I will someday look back on fondly. There will be swimming and ice cream and wilderness camp, s’mores and lake visits and a vacation to Maine. My children will have the luxury of days with nothing planned and late nights playing outside. This is the magic of summer and I want this for them. If only it didn’t make me so tired.

Last year our summer was smoother and easier than expected. Maybe it is because my children are getting older and no longer look to me for every little thing. Maybe it is because the heat wasn’t so bad. I am hoping that this year is similar. I know there will be magic, I know there will be memories to cherish, but for now I am savoring the last days of school and embracing the quiet.